Depression Chronicles

0 Mg of Effexor XR - Day 7

2006-04-11T22:12:00.000-05:00

Noticed a bit more improvement today. Perhaps the worst is over. Oh, say 'tis so!

0 Mg of Effexor XR - Day 6

2006-04-10T22:35:00.001-05:00

Today was a bit better but still in the trenches.

Weepy/crying spells: 3
Worsened mood: 3
Tense: 3
Irritability: 5
Sore throat: 4 ..... likely coming down with a cold
Sweats/hot flashes: 3
Headache: 5

0 Mg of Effexor XR - Day 6

2006-04-10T22:35:00.000-05:00

Today was a bit better but still in the trenches.

Weeping/crying spells: 3
Worsened mood: 3
Tense: 3
Irritability: 5
Sore throat: 4 ..... likely coming down with a cold
Sweats/hot flashes: 3
Headache: 5

0 Mg of Effexor XR - Day 5

2006-04-09T22:03:00.000-05:00

If I had to live forever with these withdrawal symptoms (whoops, I mean discontinuation symptoms), I'd have to kill myself.

Sailed through the three weeks of tapering. Going from 37.5 mg to 0 has been less than stellar. Today's results - on a scale of 0 - 10

Weepy/crying spells: 5
Worsened mood: 3
Tense: 5
Irritability: 8
Sweats/hot flashes: 7 Was at a florist when one hit, so I stepped into the flower cooler. Divine.
Disequilibrium: 4
Spinning, swaying: 4
Headache: 7

0 Mg of Effexor XR - Day 4

2006-04-08T23:19:00.000-05:00

Fasten those seatbelts, it's become a bumpy ride.

This is Day 4 with 0 mg. My last 37.5 mg pill was April 3. I've noticed a gradual onset of the following withdrawal symptoms:

crying spells: 8 on scale of 0-10
worsened mood: 2
irritability: 5
sweats/hot flashes: 6
headaches: 7

It's late. I'm tired.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 23

2006-04-04T21:44:00.000-05:00

Last Effexor XR, 37.5 mg, taken this morning. Here goes!

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 22

2006-04-03T22:10:00.000-05:00

The day was full with work and writing and good things. No withdrawal symptoms. Zilch. Tomorrow will be my last pill. Stay tuned.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 21

2006-04-02T19:36:00.000-05:00

As Providence would have it, I find myself with 2 pills left. Tuesday will be my last one. All is very well. Very well. I'm grateful.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 19

2006-03-31T19:55:00.000-06:00

All is well. Today would have been my parents' 55th anniversary. I miss them like hell.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 18

2006-03-30T20:21:00.000-06:00

I cannot believe how well it's going. Three more days, and I'll go from 37.5 mg to being completely off. Sunday will be my last pill. Turn 50 next week. Hmmmmm, perhaps the timing could've been better.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 17

2006-03-29T19:25:00.000-06:00

All is well, and I'm so grateful. Peace.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 16

2006-03-28T21:49:00.000-06:00

The day was filled with good things - my Morning Pages, meditation, healthy eating, work, loved ones and a walk this evening. Withdrawal symptoms = 0. I'm grateful.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 15

2006-03-27T20:29:00.000-06:00

Dropped from 75 to 37.5 today. Felt fine until supper, at which time tenseness and irritability set in. Those, however, are likely the result of work today. NBD. No big deal.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 14

2006-03-26T23:29:00.000-06:00

Things were fine until midday.

Developed a headache that I've not been able to shake. Took a long nap which probably didn't help, but at least I was pain free while asleep.

Also had sweats this afternoon with the headache. This evening I'm feeling jittery and headachy. Going to bed.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 13

2006-03-25T21:31:00.000-06:00

Better than yesterday. Being a parent just blows sometimes.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 12

2006-03-24T15:18:00.000-06:00

Bottom dropped out today. Woke stressed. Things went downhill from there. Irritability and tenseness 8 on a scale of 0 to 10. Weepiness at a 5. Worsened mood and fatigue at a 4. Suicidal thoughts at a 2.

What's been different? Several things over the past couple days:
1. Haven't made time for quiet meditation each day.
2. Haven't taken time to write my Morning Pages first thing each day.
3. Haven't kept to sleep routine.
4. Wednesday I started a temporary work project that requires being online, reading and scoring. Put in 4 hours. Yesterday I put in 10. This morning another 4.
5. No Me time in each day.

What may seem like minor things for others are huge to my mental health. I must do them or suffer the consequences.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 11

2006-03-23T21:19:00.000-06:00

Smooth sailing continues. My mood has been great. I'm convinced that some of the holistic changes have made a difference.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 10

2006-03-22T19:42:00.000-06:00

Today's been a challenge, though not because of the meds. No withdrawal symptoms.

My beautiful sixteen year old daughter awakened me about 4 a.m. as she was feeling very sick. She didn't disappoint. Flu bug complete with fever. Have been nursing her all day. Instead of feeling irritated and weary, I've felt remarkably peaceful. Baby steps into meditation the past several days have helped amazingly.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 9

2006-03-21T22:04:00.001-06:00

75 mg and holding. Doing well.

This week's Newsweek has an interesting article on Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis. It's worth a read.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 8

2006-03-20T19:48:00.000-06:00

It's Monday and 75 mg. No withdrawal symptoms. I'm grateful.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 7

2006-03-19T20:05:00.000-06:00

Another symptom-less day. Unless you count free-falling into a vat of sugar and fat. In a food fog most of the day. Damn it. This, too, shall pass. Tomorrow I drop another 37.5 mg and will be at 75 mg. Let's get this shit done.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 6

2006-03-18T14:23:00.001-06:00

Very smooth again today. I'm anticipating the drop. Shut up, girl. Just do it. Keep going. Be greatful for the moment. Stay in the moment. Find the silence. It's healing.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 5

2006-03-17T18:54:00.000-06:00

Saw Cindy, my counselor, today. She's supportive of my decision as long as I intend to manage Depression holistically.

Today was great. No withdrawal symptoms. I will manage whatever does show up down the road.

Did go a tad ballistic upon arriving home to find the teenagers hadn't quite completed their chores. That's not withdrawal or Depression. That's parental rights.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 4

2006-03-17T00:05:00.006-06:00

Today ......... not so good. A bit more that lovely head spinning feeling. Rather like my brain on the Teacups at Disneyworld. Not bad but not anything I'd like to get used to.

Came home and slept the afternoon and early evening away. I hate that. Could be a lot worse. Yee ha.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 3

2006-03-15T21:29:00.000-06:00

Still smooth sailing. Dull headache the past few days, but then that's been the case the last few weeks. Side effects, wihdrawal or just routine-living-with-two-teenagers stress?

If only the whole process goes this well.

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 2

2006-03-14T10:33:00.000-06:00

So far so good. Yee ha.

I'd been at 150 mg since May '05 and at 75 mg for the year prior. The tapering plan, as prescribed by my psychiatrist, is to decrease by 37.5 mg per week. According to my calcs, this works out as:

112.5 mg Week 1
75 mg Week 2
37.5 mg Week 3
Yee ha Week 4 ad infinitum

Have to admit I'm a bit nervous about possible withdrawal symptoms. Ooops, there I go again. I mean discontinuation symptoms. But I expect minor, if any, symptoms. Can I have an Amen?

Getting Off Effexor XR - Day 1

2006-03-13T10:44:00.000-06:00

Decided a couple weeks ago to get off antidepressants, hereinafter referred to as The Meds. Sidenote: Not wanting my legal education and student loans to be in vain, I must occasionally include some legalese. Forgive me, I know not what I do.

Oh yes, The Meds. Don't like what I've discovered about the known side-effects, long term risks and the great unknown. Have come to distrust the pharmaceutical companies, hereinafter referred to as the PharmSuits and how they produce, direct and star in Psychiatric Meds - Why You Need Them.

Caveat: Lest I get noodle whipped for my callousness, deranged thought process or plain stupidity, let me say this about that. Never say never. There are situations that warrant The Meds.

Having said this about that, the PharmSuits have taken to the airwaves, barraging us with thirty second diagnoses and plans of treatment. As if The Meds are the Second Coming. As if the complexity and wonder of the human mind and a human life can be so trivialized. Horse hockey.

I'll be tracking any withdrawal symptoms. Whoops, I mean "discontinuation symptoms." Shame on me. Wyeth told me it's not withdrawal. Check out the Effexor XR Label link on the right.

History

2006-03-12T19:26:00.000-06:00

In retrospect, I had undiagnosed clinical depression in my early high school years. My parents often described me as moody. "Sandy's in one of her moods again" was an oft-repeated refrain by my mom.

Graduated from college and married the same glorious year - 1978. By 1984 I had law school and the bar exam under my belt. Yee ha.

During my early twenties, I took off on what would be the first of several unscheduled solo road trips. Had to get away. Intense sadness, fear and anger coupled with a desperation to escape. I always returned within a day or two.

Just before I turned 30, I began seeing a wonderful counselor. Also saw a psychiatrist who, after fifteen minutes, pronounced me clinically depressed, handed me a prescription and a bill. I tossed the script, and he was history.

By early spring 1992 I was practicing law part-time, had two pre-schoolers and was doing aerobics several times a week. I began to notice a vague soreness in my upper left breast. This was obviously breast cancer. Neither several appointments with three doctors nor a mammogram could convince me otherwise. Night after night I sobbed as I locked myself in my bedroom and examined my breasts over and over. Couldn't eat. Couldn't sleep. I vacillated between raging and sobbing. After receiving a secret phone call from my husband, my angel internist called and said she was worried about me. Wanted me to see a psychiatrist. I relented.

Over the next twelve years I was on and off varying dosages of Prozac. Symptoms came and went with no warning. Often I felt blindsided by this demon of despair.

Almost two years ago I was switched to Effexor XR, initially at 75 mg and then 150 mg in May 2005. Went through several days of hell before my body adjusted. Jitters, insomnia, headaches, dizziness. I stuck it out because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. Even at 49, a bit of the good-girls-follow-the-rules voice hangs on.

I've been with the same counselor all these years. Often there've been gaps between sessions. I stay with her because she's good, and I trust her.

Over the past several weeks, I've connected the dots. What I've been dismissing as an electic group of physical and cognitive experiences over the last two years are, in fact, Effexor side effects. Every damn one of them: sleepiness; increased dreaming; vivid dreaming; headaches; irritability; nervousness; sweating; escalating tip-of-the-tongue moments during which I blank on a simple word; dizziness. Check out the Effexor XR Label link on the right.